Find ‘Tetris’ Too Stressful? The Ludicrously Chilled ‘EZBlox’ Might Be More Your Speed…

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Have you ever played Tetris and thought to yourself that the game would be so much easier if it weren’t for all of those pesky T-Blocks, the annoying S-Blocks, those cantankerous Z-Blocks, the needy L-Blocks, or even those misanthropic Square-Blocks? Clearly being given the wrong block — when all you truly wanted was for a Line-Block to finally appear — could be quite stressful for players, and regularly led them towards unhealthy fits of frothing rage. In order to address the numerous traumatic issues that playing Tetris could regularly induce, Andrew Smith recently proposed to Kickstarter’s community a more Zen-like approach to the classical falling block dilemma.

This theoretical mobile game — which only needed for iTunes’ licensing fees to be paid for — would be called EZBlox, and it would exclusively feature nothing but player-soothing Line-Blocks. No — you didn’t read that incorrectly — I really did just say “nothing but player-soothing Line-Blocks”, and yet — despite the ludicrous premise — the project was still successfully funded all the same. Apparently people everywhere were finally ready to be unshackled from the cruel whims of an uncaring RNG, and at long last always have the comfort of knowing precisely which block they’d be dealing with next.

We here at iFanzine — secure in the knowledge that the dark reign of unyielding Z-Block terror will soon be over — plan to bring you even more news regarding Andrew Smith’s “Bold Reenvisioning” of Tetris, complete with its infinite Line-Blocks, after it arrives.