Disclaimer: The words from The OutCats included in this article are translated from Cat Speak. Some may not always be direct translations.
The OutCats took over the social feeds of PONOS last week, and rewarded players of The Battle Cats with cans of in-game cat food.
This act of sabotage was thanks to a trio of Cats – Stealth Cat, Sick Cat, and Trash Cat. Their desire and demands to join The Battle Cats have now been met. Well, kind of – now one of them is being allowed to join The Battle Cats early next year.
Players of The Battle Cats can vote on who gets admitted from the three, with the poll open until December 3rd.
We had the dubious honour of chatting to the three Cats on the legality of their actions, the power of claws, and what Stealth Cat might actually look like…
What would you say to those who say you deserve to be put in prison rather than in the game?
Stealth Cat: We are everywhere and nowhere. If we OutCats get locked up, then who will be left to speak for the hundreds of poor unseen Cats who have never been given their fair shot at fighting the good fight for the Cat Empire. All we ever wanted is to help!
Sick Cat: They’d rather us just play by the rules and accept being forgotten with the garbage or cooped up in some hospital! But I speak for all of us when we say that we’re ready to hop out of our beds at a moment’s notice. Not right now, but…
We see. Do any of you actually think you could win a battle – and if so which Cats do you think you could beat? And why?
Sick Cat: With this latest campaign against PONOS, I think we’ve more than proven our skills. But to answer the second part of your question – my nose is so stuffy that Trash Cat wouldn’t bother me at all. I could take him out easy as kibble.
Trash Cat: I know real recycling when I see it. I could spot Stealth Cat and his grimy box coming from a mile away. No sweat.
Stealth Cat: I’m so light on my feet that I would dance between whatever germs that Sick kitty throws at me.
Light on your feet – because that box is nothing more than cardboard, right? But surely avoiding attacks must be a little difficult while wearing that thing?
Stealth Cat: Hey, I’m not the box. My state-of-the-art cardboard shell is another layer of subterfuge, hiding my true shape within and taking punishment so I don’t have to.
Hmm, okay. Trash Cat, you’ve never been afraid of a little clawing – does this mean you expect to win votes via fear?
Trash Cat: Fear? No we just want them to admit that we OutCats have something to offer! If the best way to make that happen is to show off our strength, then what’s wrong with that?
Until now, the Battle Cats have had it easy fighting in meadows and forests and the moon. But one day, a fight might take us to the back alley in a city, and I know them well. I’m not afraid to get my nose a little dirty.
This brings us onto another question – usually The Battle Cats are seen in meadows and forests and the moon as mentioned – where would you two like to battle if granted the opportunity?
Stealth Cat: Those post apocalyptic cities from the far future feel like they offer an excellent degree of cover for my operations.
Sick Cat: A nice leisurely battle on a tropical island would suit me fine. I even have my own personal beach chair already.
Stealth Cat, have you ever considered another disguise, or are you very much a ‘box for life’ Cat?
Stealth Cat: I’m happy to admit that this cardboard started out as a disguise of convenience on one of my many high pressure infiltrations. But who knows what the future will hold for me?
Trash Cat: I’ve actually never seen what they look like under that box. I can hardly imagine there’s an actual Cat in there.
So does this mean you would be happy for a public vote to take place on what you replace the box with…if you are allowed into The Battle Cats?
Stealth Cat: A vote? I don’t leave important decisions like that up to the whims of the common people. I have a few preferences though. A milk crate? Maybe a tupperware container? A fishbowl?
Sick Cat, are you primarily targeting the sympathy vote, or is your platform built on more than that?
Sick Cat: Sympathy? I’m fit as a fiddle! I challenge any Cat to look at this perfect physical specimen and say that I couldn’t ride into battle atop this stretcher and lead the charge to victor-hhhcuh cuhh!
I’m sorry, but could you please turn your head when you cough? I think you spit up on me a bit that last time. Thanks.
Anyway, Stealth Cat – do you have any gossip to share on the other two OutCats that voters might want to know?
Stealth Cat: My extensive background checks on my OutCats “comrades” have led to alarming revelations about their true loyalties, which I would like to take the opportunity to reveal at this time…
Trash Cat: You dug through my can, didn’t you! I knew it was strange when you suddenly dropped by for catnip last week!
Sick Cat: Those medical records are supposed to be SEALED! I’ll sue you, you clumsy cardboard jerk!
No more questions could be asked at this stage, and we thank The OutCats for their time. We leave it to you, the reader, to decide which of The OutCats is most deserving. We hope this interview perhaps helped. Emphasis on hope.
You can download The Battle Cats on iOS and Android and make your decision between the OutCats now.