Terror at Bikini Beach – Review

Parential Advisory warning: The following review has been rated 12+ for frequent cartoon violence and gratuitous use of sexual innuendo…

Terrorists have inexplicably seized the tropical paradise of Bikini Beach, your mission is pretty straightforward: pump these uninvited guests full of holes, while trying to avoid hitting any of the half naked hotties with a stray bullet. But before the game thrusts you into the action, there’s time for a threesome of training levels and a cold shower (probably).

The first few stages act as a tutorial, and have you practising your skills at a shooting range. Controls are easily grasped, a fire button in the bottom left-hand corner does just that, and aiming is handled by one on the right. Once you’ve completed the training, it’s time to hit the beach.

Okay so Bikini Beach isn’t quite N.O.V.A., but what it does, it does well. And despite the game’s soft porn stylings, a satisfyingly hardcore, arcadey shoot ’em up lurks beneath the rude and crude exterior. Enemies explode in clouds of gore, heads come clean off, and the camera gets splattered with blood; all to the accompaniment of a pulse-pounding rock soundtrack and screaming bystanders.

Hilariously the bikini-clad babes continue to go about their business – sunning themselves, sprawling in provocative poses, and riding bikes – even as a bloody shoot-out takes place around them. Ah women, you gotta love ’em. As the battle rages on, there’s a definate retro vibe to the proceedings, made complete by an excitable commentator shouting statements like, Good shot! You suck! and Double kill!

Unfortunately the decidedly old-skool delivery extends beyond the gameplay: a poor variety of enemy types, laughable animation, lack of a save feature (lose three lives and you’re booted back to the start), and a disappointing length, mean that this fun in the sun is shortlived.
Only offering nine levels (and three of them with no babes!), means that just as Bikini Beach gets going, the game ends abruptly. Online global leaderboards go some way to adding an incentive to replay, but overall Smooth Landon’s M.O. seems to be, leave them wanting more…
iFanzine Verdict: Unabashedly aimed at the 14 year old male market, Terror at Bikini Beach is still one of the most arousing exciting shooting gallery games we’ve had the pleasure to play in a while.
5.5 out of 10